soon I change it!

I used to writing draft for my coming presentation this afternoon when playlist of my Pavilion play a kind of love music. It says: "I remember when we were dancing in the rain in that december." hell yeah. that's why I hate love music. queasy.

eventually 19

11.20 a.m in Surabaya, I am home all alone. Seem everyone so busy with their business. That’s fine, I just think it’s time to get back to my University. I’ll be ready facing all messed up terms, crowds (I hate this), some jerks in my room, regulations, and yes a shitload of tasks and examinations. Nothing to complain eventually. See my family is fine in Surabaya already bring my spirit up. Oh man, November 19. Today my relationship's 1 month. Tomorrow I am 19. But I face a little messed thing to finish with her. Cool! What a gift. I celebrate my 19th year, on the way back to Bandung (where my Univ. is) in additional my girl disappear only by one night after unclear reason what we’ve fight for. Hahahah. Damn. Yet, funny. I grow. 19 years buddy. That ain’t short. Thanks to GOD for everything I have now. My parents, yeah. Sometimes they are annoying. But, I always know. They are kind of double-edged sword in GOD’s hand to protect me and my bro and sist. They are great, I love them. I swear I will bring their dreams come true. With GOD of course. My life is cool, our life is cool. It’s time to change from boy to a man. A real one. I talked to much anyway. Time to show I can do what I said. And for her out there. If you read this, I just wanna tell you, I love you. That’s why I’m trying to show it to you. If you do so, show me. :)

October 19th, 2012?

Happy sabbath everyone. Yes, this is such beautiful day. At least I can stop from the daily activities. And take a deep breath from all stressful  hours. One of those three best roomates I got is leaving to Jakarta while one’s playing his freak game (-_-) and the other one suffer of hunger. Actually I am starving also. Yet I just feel great. Life’s just fine. That’s my eyes actually blinded by all confusing and unfair things I face and even experienced. Yeah. I usually think what a difficult life to run. Then if I think just a bit longer, my life is actually dreamt by thousands out there. I mean, I’m lucky. I have a brother, a sister, a father, and a mother (yeah, of course), they are complete. They love to each other. They love me. My friends are always around. They somethimes annoying but they protect me from loneliness. I have a huge university. Good lecturers. A good religion. A good God (the only God I adored). And a girl, that I expect to be the Last. See? And how often have I thank God? Rare. He must be waiting. Circumstance sometimes insist me to be rude and bad. But be thankful to God will reconstructs me to be tough and sweet. Mood deceives. Satan often uses it to discomfort you. Trust God. He is constant. Remain the same through eternity. I thank Him for everything. For family, friends, education, for His love. And yes, of course for her. Thank you for this evening baby. Happy birthday anyway. :)

Apology :)

Apologize to my reader (if you do exist) that I supposed to delete several posts as it bother a friend of mine's privacy "damn love story".
Sorry big bro. wish you the best then.

what to say

It beats faster and I wonder what's going on. it is a small detector planted deep inside my chest, protected by several ribs. and it'll beat in all seconds of my life. heart. yes. for me, my heart is a detector. If anger is on me, it beats faster. if I feel uncomfortable so will it. but what I hate is when I know it beats so strange while everything seems fine. I ain't lying to myself. I want something these last days that probably won't be gotten by my hand. and that's her. perhaps it is what bother my heart. damn.

long night

Cant sleep, then I try to think what I got to day. I remember one event just occur this day. there was a "big fight" between my roommate and I. He challenged me. and every challenge is actually a call of keeping pride among the community. so I accept that. He challenged me in playing badminton and I know I'm good in it. I "was" good in it, I guess --"
I've ever represented my school for a badminton league, though I didn't win, but representing a school gave my a little assurance that I will conquer this opponent (my roommate). I told him, I will easily defeat him. He told me the same, that he'll conquer me instead. annoying, but my over confidence bring me to something I will learn for my whole lifetime. "Always know what I deal with." guess what? yes, I lost the game in EXTREMELY close score 21-20 and 23-21. damn! It is annoying. but there is a lesson to take. Do not ever underestimate a thing, by saying it is easy to overcome, then to know what I'm dealing with.
For my words will not ever conquer a thing.

last resistance

Oct1st

      I am screwed. Totally. Annoyed by the condition where I am trapped on. I always believe that my smile mindset have great power to remain stable even resist the circumstances. But, this method doesn’t work today. I hate Monday.

      Then, I start to think again that I can get such a “happiness” I’ve been looking for, from someone I’ve expected to. But GREAT. I have more dissapointed. I always long someone to see deep inside my heart, someone to understand that all complaints that came out from my mouth are actually just voice of asking a little support. I fight for my live all alone. At the end I’ll proclaim that no body really have a big deal on my own battle. The worst of all, when I was hoping on her, she doesnt understand.